


belongs to gravity

by thewindraiser



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Pediatrician Suga for the win
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewindraiser/pseuds/thewindraiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: “Come over here and make me.”</p>
<p>There is no place for gods in Peds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	belongs to gravity

**Author's Note:**

> For [Andy](http://andyzambie.tumblr.com/)  
> Title is from the song Pluto by Sleeping at Last.

 

"Sugawara-san it’s been almost 15 minutes…"

Suga didn’t stop, relying only on muscle memory now as he looked up at the monitor. ( _Just one miracle. Just this one. Just this time.)_ The line was flat. All lines were flat.

"Sugawara-san…Suga-kun, you need to declare it"

( _Please. Oh, please._ )

The heart beneath his palm stayed stubbornly still.

Suga breathed in and his lungs seemed to burn. His voice was steady when he spoke, "Time of death 9:27am"

 

It was hours before his shift ended. It was hours before he let himself cry.

 

"It wasn’t your fault"

Daichi has been saying that since he arrived. They are locked in a hospital store room that smells like detergent and plastic and Daichi will not shut up.

Suga looks down at his scrubs, the pair the kids in Peds had drawn on what now seems like centuries ago. On the left shoe, right on his pinky toe, there is what Suga thinks is a sun. It has a little smiley face too. He turns his head a little, might be just a yellow and orange flower tho. Suga is not so sure anymore.

"Sen-chan drew that."

Daichi looks at him, puzzled. Suga points at the shoe, traces the lines of the scribble. "The yellow flower."

He hears Daichi hum. "I think it’s a sun."

"A sunflower then," he spits out, except not because sunflowers don’t look like that. ( _I’ll never get to ask him now._ ) Suga feels his throat close up again.

He hides his face between his knees, praying for the heaviness in his chest to disappear, but hoping it won’t. He concentrates on breathing ( _In. And then out. Then in again_.) and when Daichi’s fingers start carding through his hair, gentle, like Daichi always is with him, it gets a little easier.

Suga moves closer, welcoming the touch and the warmth Daichi always seems to give off, but stops as soon as he hears those words leave Daichi’s mouth again.

"It wasn’t your fault."

Like a reflex, Suga’s hands close in fists. "Stop saying that." A feeble protest, his voice barely a whisper. ( _It hurts to even speak_.)

"But it wasn’t," says Daichi again, with a conviction and a faith that in any other occasion would have warmed Suga to the core.

( _Not this time, tho_.) Beautiful, stubborn Daichi. Persistent. Overbearing. Daichi.

This time, it makes Suga’s blood boil. "How do you know?" he hisses, "How can you know?"

Daichi’s gaze doesn’t waver. "I just do. And so does nurse Kawafuta, so does the anaesthetist. I asked them, Koushi, nobody blames you."

Nobody blames him. That doesn’t mean Suga can’t blame himself. How can he not blame himself? Who else can he blame for letting a 7 years old boy die on his table? God? Suga never much believed in gods and even if he had he doubts he still would. There is no place for gods in Peds. Too many white caskets. There is no place for gods in his heart. So it’s him, it must be him. This is his fault. His burden to bear.

A hand shakes him ( _warm. gentle. Daichi_.) and Suga meets Daichi’s eyes again, can’t look away as Daichi repeats those words again and again, in the hope that Suga will magically believe them. Believe him.

Suga feels his arms reach out on their own accord, not for a hug, not for comfort, but to shove Daichi away. It’s a pitiful shove ( _pitiful. just like him_ ), the strength, if not the fight, completely run out of him. It’s pitiful but Daichi still moves away, stands up and waits. His eyes never leave Suga, and oh how Suga loves those eyes, wishes they couldn’t see him.

"Stop saying that," one more time, Suga repeats it. This time it comes out louder. An order.

"No I bloody hell won’t," Daichi is being louder too. "I won’t stop saying it because it’s the bloody truth."

Suga shakes his head. Shakes off these words.

"No."

"It wasn’t your fault."

"Stop…"

"It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault."

"Daichi, i swear-"

"IT WASN’T-"

"SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTH."

Suga’s voice bounces off the walls, echoes in the ( _empty. empty_ ) spaces between them.

"Come over here and make me."

Suga is up, standing, before he realizes. He doesn’t realize pushing Daichi against the wall. He doesn’t register hitting Daichi’s chest again and again, and how pitiful ( _again. always_ ) those hits are, strong as caresses, vicious as a declaration of love. He doesn’t even notice Daichi’s arms around him at first, he doesn’t realize. All he can process, all he can feel is the open wound that cuts his chest in halves, in pieces, exposing his heart, his ribs, his lungs. And it won’t stop bleeding, it won’t let him be, it won’t let him breathe.

It’s the sound of a choked sob that shakes him off, it takes him a moment to realize it came from him. A sob becomes two and then three, and then it’s hard to keep count because they won’t stop. He can’t stop.

Daichi is holding him up ( _still_ )( _like always_ )( _since when_ ). He is quiet now, stroking Suga’s hair, his cheek, his nape. The cold of the wedding band against Suga’s skin makes him shiver. He falls even more, even deeper into Daichi and Daichi ( _like always_ )( _still_ ) doesn’t let him touch the ground.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Woah!  
> First work published here and in general, this is nervewracking.  
> I hope you enjoyed, thank you for checking this little thing out.  
> Come yell at me on [tumblr]() or [twitter](https://twitter.com/JKNo_emi)


End file.
